She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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