I want you more than these girls want KFC
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
