I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
