I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
