thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
