remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
