what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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