He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
