I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
