So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
