We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
