That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
