Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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