I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
