I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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