I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
try to milk me bitch
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