some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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