Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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