My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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