YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
