So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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