Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
