I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
