one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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