You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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