Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
