I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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