Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
