it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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