Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
