she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
