my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
