"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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