My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
