Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
