You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
