I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
