rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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