Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
