the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
