rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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