You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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