My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
