I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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