jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
