you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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