You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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