Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
