It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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