I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
